Happiness is only 10% dependent on circumstances

I attended a seminar last Saturday, conducted by pioneer Asian MAPP alumni Sulynn Choong. It was an exciting day for me, to finally meet someone who had actually gone through the MAPP. I gained much from her sharing and thought of penning down the most pertinent parts of her talk (for my own reference and maybe for others).

1. As the blog entry is titled, "Happiness is only 10% dependent on circumstances", I shall begin with this nugget. In research done by Sheldon, K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006), it was found that happiness has a so-called 'set-point' which is 50% (ref to the pie chart below) i.e. you are normally 50% happy and satisfied. The rest of the 50% which people usually attribute happiness to is actually only 10% due to the circumstances around us. Yes, those moments when you could have sworn you were depressed; those times when you felt the world was against you; those times when you knew someone had intentionally made life hell for you. What's the other 40% then?


As you can see in the chart on the left, 40% of our happiness is determined by the intentional activities that one chooses to take part in. This refers to:

1. Making a choice every morning that work is great

2. Whatever people say or do to you tells you nothing about the person you are, because you know who you are

3. Greeting people with a smile (instead of a dead-panned moan)

4. Finding ways to exercise our signature strengths (see 1st post)

The list could go on and on, but what struck me was that when bad things happen, as human beings, we tend to blame the circumstances that befall us, when in fact, our happiness is pretty much within our control.

So for example, you have a long or bad day at work and when you go home, your partner grouches at you for no apparent reason. Do you:

1. Grouch back at him
2. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he might've had a bad day too?
3. Say nothing
4. Hug him and tell him that you understand and you'd love to listen to him

If you chose option 1, well, I don't have to describe what will happen. Fireworks, angry words. My default mode used to be option 1 and I always had this thought in my mind, "Don't bring your troubles back home and take it out on me." This selfish thought tended to control me and I would then get angry with him, ruining a perfectly good night.

If you chose option 2, I'd say you're well on your way to putting happiness within your control and not allowing yourself to let other people determine how you should feel that way. That said, it's of course easier just saying it. Why not try it? You might be surprised at how great it feels! :)

If you chose option 3, though it seems to be better than option 1 (less aggressive) it's not always better either. Having no reaction towards a potentially correctable situation could signal to him that it's 'ok' to continue doing so and the intensity/frequency might increase.

If you chose option 4, you are a SAINT! In fact, it requires us to be selfless and really put others before ourselves. By sharing with your partner that you love him and that you are willing to listen to him provides much-needed support. You too would find comfort in him/her and your burden/troubles will be shared. Sorrow, when shared, is halved. Happiness, when shared, is doubled.

Each of the answers above can be categorised further and how you respond to your partner determines how he/she responds to you and in turn how happy you will be. I will address this little nugget in the next entry.

I just realised that once I start writing about something I love so much, I am simply unable to cover all the information I learnt in one blog entry. To all, here's to working to being a SAINT! I can personally tell you that doing so brings you joy that feels soo good, you'd wanna keep doing it.